Child of God, love and be free,
For to love and be loved is all you need.
From birth, love is the constant good,
And it is the essence of joy and happiness, as it should
Be, for the Father is joy and love, forever
Flowing and being, like a great river
Of mirth from Heaven itself, a river of life
To heal all ills and end all strife.
Here we sit, wrapped in chains of our own making
And the Devil's, and when we start shaking
Them, breaking them, we will take up arms
Against our Enemy, ancient and crafty, who harms
Us all from birth with mortal lies, carefully
Made to break our wings, leaving us woefully
Cut off at the knees; I pray that God frees you.
Run to the others, swift Malachi,
Messenger of Jesus, may you fly
On perfect eagles' wings, forged in
The fires of Heaven's blacksmit, to win
Him the war through swiftness, to tell
The brothers and sisters of battle to come; tell them: "Fight well."
And when Lucifer is thrown into the pit
Of darkness, and the names that are writ
In the Book of Life are read, to step forth
Into glory with the Father, and the true worth
Of all is shown, then shall joy rise
To overtake all, and the serpents called lies will die.
Child of God, love and be free,
For to love and be loved is all you need.
I hope these words give you strength to go on,
For the end, the everlasting joy, is just beyond the horizon.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Light We Bear
This is for the broken. For the depressed, the wounded, the discouraged, for the addict, and for every human being that cries out in despair and wishes that they could be someone else. This is for all of you who have been lied to, attacked, for those whose hearts have been shattered and scarred, for those who cannot go on. Know that this is not the end. Know that there is a tomorrow, that the story does not end here. Do not despair.
For you are not a creature of darkness, although all the lies of the Enemy speak otherwise. You are far more than flesh and blood, and you are not a being of desperate wickedness. Though the Devil assaults you at every turn, and your very body seems to war against you, know this: that in your heart of hearts, in your deepest soul, in the most truest place of your being, you are good.
You are good. Let this soak into your soul for a moment. Absorb it, drink it in, like the parched ground drinks up fresh water. You are good, and your God has not abandoned you. For when your Father made you, he said, "It is good." Doubt not, then, that you are still good, and think not that your perfection has been lost until eternity comes. For it is still within you, though you have forgotten it. Awaken your soul, delve into this lost place within you. You were made unique, and pure. Even though your flesh rebels against you daily, even though Satan's lies fly like arrows overhead, you are still a being of light, a beautiful creature, a wonderful soul.
For when the Messiah cried out and gave up his life, your body of sin died. And when he arose on the third day, your perfect heart was restored to you. He has taken your old self to the depths of Hell, cast it into the Lake of Fire to be burned up, and he has brought back the true you, given you back your lost perfection.
So then, despair no more, but rejoice, rejoice in yourself and your gifts! Rejoice for those around you, for they are made as new! If your gift is the gift of writing, then write as a messenger of the Lord. If your gift is speaking, then let your words come like a storm upon the ocean. If your gift is to be kind, then let all your brothers and sisters rejoice in your kindness. If yours is the gift of thinking, then think on the deep things of life, and uncover the truths of life. If your gift is of action, then do great things for the Kingdom of God. The gifts that God has granted to us all are as grains of sand on the seashore, and a handful of each has been granted to us all. So do not hold back, but let the sands flow, let your light shine out, bright and glorious in the power of the Father. Rejoice in yourself, creature of light and love. For you are good, and you are loved, and you have a place. Take your seat at the table, and raise your glass with your brothers and sisters, and with the Messiah who has given your soul back to you.
This is not the end, but rather the beginning.
For you are not a creature of darkness, although all the lies of the Enemy speak otherwise. You are far more than flesh and blood, and you are not a being of desperate wickedness. Though the Devil assaults you at every turn, and your very body seems to war against you, know this: that in your heart of hearts, in your deepest soul, in the most truest place of your being, you are good.
You are good. Let this soak into your soul for a moment. Absorb it, drink it in, like the parched ground drinks up fresh water. You are good, and your God has not abandoned you. For when your Father made you, he said, "It is good." Doubt not, then, that you are still good, and think not that your perfection has been lost until eternity comes. For it is still within you, though you have forgotten it. Awaken your soul, delve into this lost place within you. You were made unique, and pure. Even though your flesh rebels against you daily, even though Satan's lies fly like arrows overhead, you are still a being of light, a beautiful creature, a wonderful soul.
For when the Messiah cried out and gave up his life, your body of sin died. And when he arose on the third day, your perfect heart was restored to you. He has taken your old self to the depths of Hell, cast it into the Lake of Fire to be burned up, and he has brought back the true you, given you back your lost perfection.
So then, despair no more, but rejoice, rejoice in yourself and your gifts! Rejoice for those around you, for they are made as new! If your gift is the gift of writing, then write as a messenger of the Lord. If your gift is speaking, then let your words come like a storm upon the ocean. If your gift is to be kind, then let all your brothers and sisters rejoice in your kindness. If yours is the gift of thinking, then think on the deep things of life, and uncover the truths of life. If your gift is of action, then do great things for the Kingdom of God. The gifts that God has granted to us all are as grains of sand on the seashore, and a handful of each has been granted to us all. So do not hold back, but let the sands flow, let your light shine out, bright and glorious in the power of the Father. Rejoice in yourself, creature of light and love. For you are good, and you are loved, and you have a place. Take your seat at the table, and raise your glass with your brothers and sisters, and with the Messiah who has given your soul back to you.
This is not the end, but rather the beginning.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Part 2 - Fighting the Good Fight
"Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses."
- 1 Timothy 6:12
"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the Devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."
- 1 Peter 5:8
"The Thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I come that they might have life, and have it to the full."
- John 10:10
"Fight the good fight". A "roaring lion", "devour". "steal, kill, and destroy". How have we missed all this?
You may have noticed the new background. I've changed it in accordance with the theme of today's post - namely, fighting the Devil. Our picture of "fighting the Devil" nowadays has been reduced to fighting off the temptation to sin, which is just a PART of Satan's schemes. He plays on our sinful flesh, tempts us, trying to get us to do things we shouldn't. However, this isn't all he does. You have to remember, Satan is very, very clever, and quite powerful. God gives us the power to fight him, through the Holy Spirit, but what do we do? We don't even see him.
"Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."
- Ephesians 6:11-18 (NLT Bible)
"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." I think Paul's trying to tell us something here. If only we would stop and listen. Notice that he doesn't say "resisting", but rather "fighting", as in, battling. The "armor of God" analogy only solidifies this. Armor implies that we will be attacked. Not just tempted, attacked. And a sword? That implies that we're supposed to fight back. Not something you hear from most pulpits these days.
To put this in another light, I'd like to quote from 'The Message':
"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."
See what I'm getting at? God wants us strong. Why, if all we do is come into a building on Sunday mornings, sing a few songs, listen to a guy speak for an hour or so, say our farewells, and go about our week; if this is it, why do we need to be strong? Strong of voice? No, there's a lot more to the Christian life than we know. We're in a war. A war. "Well-made weapons of the best materials". As in, to fight with. This is a "life-or-death fight to the death against the Devil and all his angels". "You're up against far more than you can handle on your own." Don't go alone. But there's a slight problem. Satan's got us pinned down already, every last one of us. Time to dust off that armor, sharpen that sword, and start fighting. Fight for your heart.
What's our sword? Well, for one thing, the Word of God. We all know this. It's kryptonite for the demons. However, this isn't the only weapon we have. Prayer is an essential. We cannot go without it. Why does it work against the demons? The Holy Spirit endwells us, and our appeals go directly to the spiritual realm. And it's not just about asking God to send the demons away. We have to command them ourselves, in God's name. For even though we cannot stand for ourselves at this time, God made us to rule and subdue the Earth, remember? And that also applies to the spiritual realm. We can't survive on our own, but God has given us his power to fight them off.
And boy could we use it right about now.
"In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil." We will be attacked. It's a given. Satan's not gonna sit idly by while the people made in the very image of God take up their birthright and start shining out the glory God has restored to them. He hates God, and he hates anything that bears His glory. So, then, what are these "fiery arrows"? They can be quite varied. Anything from temptation of our sinful flesh, to condemnation through the words of a friend. Now, please note, Satan isn't able to possess Christians. Our true self has been purified, cleansed, made new and perfect. (Our true self and our sinful nature both exist at this moment, by the way.) Satan cannot indwell us. But he can certainly suggest to us. He may not be able to take control of us, but he can certainly put thoughts into our minds (not that this is the only way such thoughts come to us). If that seems weird, yes it is. If it seems impossible, keep in mind this is the second most powerful being in existence. A long way off from God, but still very powerful, and in charge of all the demons.
First off: pray. Pray like crazy. Pray that God will set your heart free, reveal Satan's spiritual strongholds, so that they may be uprooted. Pray that He would open your eyes to see the flaming arrows, and the attacks everyone suffers every day. Start using that Sword of the Spirit. God gave it to you for a reason. It's not a trophy. It's a weapon. Use it. Its full extent: the Word of God, and a direct line to God, giving us the ability to influence the spiritual realm through prayer. It's real, my friends, and cannot be ignored. To do so is a very, very bad idea, and you'll live most of your life in misery, wondering what the heck Jesus meant by a "rich and satisfying life", wondering why God is being so darn quiet. Truth is, he's talking to us, every single day. But our ears have been covered. We've been gagged, blindfolded, and had our ears plugged up. Satan's got us right where he wants us. Are you going to sit around and do nothing about it? I'm sure not.
Fight the good fight, my friends. Pray earnestly, use your armor and your weapons. The battle is still very much underway, and your Captain calls you forward. Will you answer the summons?
- 1 Timothy 6:12
"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the Devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."
- 1 Peter 5:8
"The Thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I come that they might have life, and have it to the full."
- John 10:10
"Fight the good fight". A "roaring lion", "devour". "steal, kill, and destroy". How have we missed all this?
You may have noticed the new background. I've changed it in accordance with the theme of today's post - namely, fighting the Devil. Our picture of "fighting the Devil" nowadays has been reduced to fighting off the temptation to sin, which is just a PART of Satan's schemes. He plays on our sinful flesh, tempts us, trying to get us to do things we shouldn't. However, this isn't all he does. You have to remember, Satan is very, very clever, and quite powerful. God gives us the power to fight him, through the Holy Spirit, but what do we do? We don't even see him.
"Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."
- Ephesians 6:11-18 (NLT Bible)
"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." I think Paul's trying to tell us something here. If only we would stop and listen. Notice that he doesn't say "resisting", but rather "fighting", as in, battling. The "armor of God" analogy only solidifies this. Armor implies that we will be attacked. Not just tempted, attacked. And a sword? That implies that we're supposed to fight back. Not something you hear from most pulpits these days.
To put this in another light, I'd like to quote from 'The Message':
"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."
- Ephesians 6:10-18 (The Message Bible)
See what I'm getting at? God wants us strong. Why, if all we do is come into a building on Sunday mornings, sing a few songs, listen to a guy speak for an hour or so, say our farewells, and go about our week; if this is it, why do we need to be strong? Strong of voice? No, there's a lot more to the Christian life than we know. We're in a war. A war. "Well-made weapons of the best materials". As in, to fight with. This is a "life-or-death fight to the death against the Devil and all his angels". "You're up against far more than you can handle on your own." Don't go alone. But there's a slight problem. Satan's got us pinned down already, every last one of us. Time to dust off that armor, sharpen that sword, and start fighting. Fight for your heart.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Part 1 - Lies About Christianity
"A friend of mine recently handed me a program from a large and successful church somewhere in the Midwest. It's a rather exemplary model of what the idea [of discipleship] has fallen to. Their plan for discipleship involves, first, becoming a memeber of this particular church. Then they encourage you to take a course on doctrine. Be 'faithful' in attending the Sunday morning service and a small group fellowship. Complete a special course on Christian growth. Live a life that demonstrates clear evidence of spiritual growth. Complete a class on evangelism. Consistently look for opportunities to evangelize. Complete a course on finances, one on marriage, and another on parenting (provided that you are married or a parent). Complete a leadership training course, a hermeneutics course, a course on spiritual gifts, and another on biblical counseling. Participate in missions. Carry a significant local church ministry 'load'.
You're probably surprised that I would question this sort of program; most churches are trying to get their folks to complete something like this, one way or another. No doubt a great deal of helpful information is passed on. But let me ask you: A program like this--does it teach a person how to apply principles, or how to walk with God? They are not the same thing. Change the content and any cult could do this. I mean, Gandhi was a remarkable man; so was Lao-tzu, Confucius, or Thomas Jefferson. They all had principles for a better life. But only Christianity can teach you to walk with God."
- John Eldredge, "Waking the Dead"
The sad thing is, I'm inclined to agree with him. Our picture of living a "Christian life" has been so warped, we only know about a tenth of the things we should, most of which are not principles, but rather much more important things.
For instance, our picture of eternal life. The general mental picture I get, from what I've heard in the church, is that when we die, we'll go to a blindingly-white place in the sky somewhere, and life will be an infinite church service. Yuck. Luckily, that's not what God meant at all. I mean, this is GOD we're talking about here. And heaven is the most beautiful place we'll have ever seen, so amazing that our minds would explode if we went there now. Take the description of the New Jerusalem, for instance:
"And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.
Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with a reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.
Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel. The construction of its wall was of jasper, and the city was pure gold, like clear glass. The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysophase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was a single pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
- Revelation 21:10-21
I included a little math about the size of the city, but I failed to account for square and cubic units of measurement, so it was a bit inaccurate. But suffice it to say, the city is frickin' HUGE. The whole thing made entirely of the purest gold, so pure that it's compared to glass. Now, when he uses the word "like", it's important to note that he's finding the closest comparison there is that we'll understand. However, this doesn't mean it's anything close to what it's being compared to. Think about it. A city made out of gold that's so pure that the closest comparison to its clarity is glass? (Not the grimy, water-spotted, dirt-covered kind; the shiny, crystal-clear, not-even-sure-if-it's-there, run-into-it-cause-you-don't-see-it kind.) And to think, that description probably doesn't even come close.
The gates are made out of a single pearl, each. The wall is 216 feet thick. I think you're starting to get the picture. This city is enormous, and the value of even one of its gates or a sliver of the wall are probably worth more than the combined currency of the entire world. And this is just a city. The world...well, imagine what it was like when it was first made. The most beautiful garden you could imagine. Even better, because it's been made better than new. And our new bodies? Probably capable of more than we would think humanly or superhumanly possible. Never tired. Never. You could run laps around the world without stopping once. Jumping over a lake would be a cinch. And God is right there. Think of the happiest moment of your life, those times when you thought your heart would explode with joy. Multiply that by...well...infinity. That's God. Small wonder we're drawn so easily to things that promise to fill that empty spot inside us, that place that God was meant to be in.
Okay, I think you're starting to get the idea now. A pharisee God is not. Or a sky-dweller. Or anything else that makes you think super-sanitized, whitewashed, etc. God is...well, he's a million times better than the best thing you could think of. A beautiful sunset, overlooking the most gorgeous of views? A finger-painting compared to what he can do. Those moments of pure and overwhelming happiness? A drop in the sea compared to what he is. Do you really think the best he offers us in this life is a set of disciplines and principles to follow? Hardly.
Let's see...where was I? Oh, yeah. Eternal life. This does mean we get to go to heaven when we die. Awesome. But, when he talks about life, he doesn't just mean in the afterlife. He means now. Life, right now. And not just any life, but Life. Life in intimate connection with him, letting him guide us, heal us, make us whole, let his glory shine through us, help us fulfill our role in his great Story on earth. And when I say role, I mean spiritual gifts. But, again, here we've missed out on an amazing offer God's given us. We're also missing out on the bigger picture.
This life is a war. Yes, a real war. Not just a war against the flesh, but also a war between the angels and the demons. And we're in it. Or rather, we should be in it. Sadly, most of us aren't awake to this reality, and so we live out our days trying to do the right thing, trying to follow the principles and give our 10% tithe, wishing we could be a better person, or at least sin a little bit less, and wishing we weren't such a rotten, horrible person. Most of this is a lie. Deep down, if we have truly accepted Christ, we are good. Our heart has been restored, replaced. Yes, we still deal with the flesh, since we live in it, but the fact that we are, at heart, evil, is totally and completely wrong.
Where does God send the Holy Spirit to dwell in us? In our hearts. We know for a fact that God cannot coexist with evil. At all. So how is this possible? The only answer is that God has made our heart new, taken away its evil. You doubt? He's God. What more do I need to say?
The fact is, we're totally oblivious to the level at which Satan is at work. You remember Satan. The father of lies, the leader of the demons, the ancient serpent who decieves the whole world. Well, he also decieves us, plays on our flesh, whispers lies about who we really are. If you thought your heart was evil deep down, well then. There's proof. Satan has whispered lies to all of us, without exception. He has vowed to tear down God's image-bearers, and he's done so quite successfully, it seems. How many people do you see living out of their hearts, fully alive, without false fronts or fear? Far too few, most likely. Even the "got-it-all-together Christian" can be, and is, a false front, one that Satan convinces us to wear. That sense of, "I can't let people know how bad it really is. They wouldn't understand," that can come from Satan. As can many other things. For me, it's been, "You're just a pest. No one really cares about you. You'll never be a part of anything. You'll never be able to get the girl you want," and on and on it goes. So many lies, so many whispers. He'll jump in at every opportunity, every chance to solidify your doubts or turn your perceptions into "facts". He's hell-bent (literally) on destroying every last ounce of joy, freedom, and goodness you have.
I'll continue this in a later post. But remember: you are not evil at heart. You are a good person, deep down. Those lies about you are not true. Do not give the Devil another inch. Pray ferverently against him. Pray for the freedom of your true heart. See if I'm not right.
You're probably surprised that I would question this sort of program; most churches are trying to get their folks to complete something like this, one way or another. No doubt a great deal of helpful information is passed on. But let me ask you: A program like this--does it teach a person how to apply principles, or how to walk with God? They are not the same thing. Change the content and any cult could do this. I mean, Gandhi was a remarkable man; so was Lao-tzu, Confucius, or Thomas Jefferson. They all had principles for a better life. But only Christianity can teach you to walk with God."
- John Eldredge, "Waking the Dead"
The sad thing is, I'm inclined to agree with him. Our picture of living a "Christian life" has been so warped, we only know about a tenth of the things we should, most of which are not principles, but rather much more important things.
For instance, our picture of eternal life. The general mental picture I get, from what I've heard in the church, is that when we die, we'll go to a blindingly-white place in the sky somewhere, and life will be an infinite church service. Yuck. Luckily, that's not what God meant at all. I mean, this is GOD we're talking about here. And heaven is the most beautiful place we'll have ever seen, so amazing that our minds would explode if we went there now. Take the description of the New Jerusalem, for instance:
"And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.
Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with a reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.
Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel. The construction of its wall was of jasper, and the city was pure gold, like clear glass. The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysophase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was a single pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
- Revelation 21:10-21
I included a little math about the size of the city, but I failed to account for square and cubic units of measurement, so it was a bit inaccurate. But suffice it to say, the city is frickin' HUGE. The whole thing made entirely of the purest gold, so pure that it's compared to glass. Now, when he uses the word "like", it's important to note that he's finding the closest comparison there is that we'll understand. However, this doesn't mean it's anything close to what it's being compared to. Think about it. A city made out of gold that's so pure that the closest comparison to its clarity is glass? (Not the grimy, water-spotted, dirt-covered kind; the shiny, crystal-clear, not-even-sure-if-it's-there, run-into-it-cause-you-don't-see-it kind.) And to think, that description probably doesn't even come close.
The gates are made out of a single pearl, each. The wall is 216 feet thick. I think you're starting to get the picture. This city is enormous, and the value of even one of its gates or a sliver of the wall are probably worth more than the combined currency of the entire world. And this is just a city. The world...well, imagine what it was like when it was first made. The most beautiful garden you could imagine. Even better, because it's been made better than new. And our new bodies? Probably capable of more than we would think humanly or superhumanly possible. Never tired. Never. You could run laps around the world without stopping once. Jumping over a lake would be a cinch. And God is right there. Think of the happiest moment of your life, those times when you thought your heart would explode with joy. Multiply that by...well...infinity. That's God. Small wonder we're drawn so easily to things that promise to fill that empty spot inside us, that place that God was meant to be in.
Okay, I think you're starting to get the idea now. A pharisee God is not. Or a sky-dweller. Or anything else that makes you think super-sanitized, whitewashed, etc. God is...well, he's a million times better than the best thing you could think of. A beautiful sunset, overlooking the most gorgeous of views? A finger-painting compared to what he can do. Those moments of pure and overwhelming happiness? A drop in the sea compared to what he is. Do you really think the best he offers us in this life is a set of disciplines and principles to follow? Hardly.
Let's see...where was I? Oh, yeah. Eternal life. This does mean we get to go to heaven when we die. Awesome. But, when he talks about life, he doesn't just mean in the afterlife. He means now. Life, right now. And not just any life, but Life. Life in intimate connection with him, letting him guide us, heal us, make us whole, let his glory shine through us, help us fulfill our role in his great Story on earth. And when I say role, I mean spiritual gifts. But, again, here we've missed out on an amazing offer God's given us. We're also missing out on the bigger picture.
This life is a war. Yes, a real war. Not just a war against the flesh, but also a war between the angels and the demons. And we're in it. Or rather, we should be in it. Sadly, most of us aren't awake to this reality, and so we live out our days trying to do the right thing, trying to follow the principles and give our 10% tithe, wishing we could be a better person, or at least sin a little bit less, and wishing we weren't such a rotten, horrible person. Most of this is a lie. Deep down, if we have truly accepted Christ, we are good. Our heart has been restored, replaced. Yes, we still deal with the flesh, since we live in it, but the fact that we are, at heart, evil, is totally and completely wrong.
Where does God send the Holy Spirit to dwell in us? In our hearts. We know for a fact that God cannot coexist with evil. At all. So how is this possible? The only answer is that God has made our heart new, taken away its evil. You doubt? He's God. What more do I need to say?
The fact is, we're totally oblivious to the level at which Satan is at work. You remember Satan. The father of lies, the leader of the demons, the ancient serpent who decieves the whole world. Well, he also decieves us, plays on our flesh, whispers lies about who we really are. If you thought your heart was evil deep down, well then. There's proof. Satan has whispered lies to all of us, without exception. He has vowed to tear down God's image-bearers, and he's done so quite successfully, it seems. How many people do you see living out of their hearts, fully alive, without false fronts or fear? Far too few, most likely. Even the "got-it-all-together Christian" can be, and is, a false front, one that Satan convinces us to wear. That sense of, "I can't let people know how bad it really is. They wouldn't understand," that can come from Satan. As can many other things. For me, it's been, "You're just a pest. No one really cares about you. You'll never be a part of anything. You'll never be able to get the girl you want," and on and on it goes. So many lies, so many whispers. He'll jump in at every opportunity, every chance to solidify your doubts or turn your perceptions into "facts". He's hell-bent (literally) on destroying every last ounce of joy, freedom, and goodness you have.
I'll continue this in a later post. But remember: you are not evil at heart. You are a good person, deep down. Those lies about you are not true. Do not give the Devil another inch. Pray ferverently against him. Pray for the freedom of your true heart. See if I'm not right.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Running (a song by me)
The book is full; I close the pages
Place it on my bookshelf
It's filling up, but there is more
Deep inside myself
The pen's run dry; I move to take
Another from a drawer
I glance beyond the window pane
I'm not sure what I'm looking for
The grass is brown, the leaves are falling
Although they once were green
The light of day is bleak and empty
For there is far too much I've seen
My study walls are too familiar
The wood has lost its sheen
Let me out
I am screaming
This is not what's meant for me
Far away I will be running
I have lost my freedom
And I can't catch it
Oh, I can't catch it...
Lost in thought; that's hardly strange
My head, my study, where I am
I was never meant to live here
But I am
But I am...
Slowly now, the door is op'ning
I barely even bat an eye
Then I turn. He says, "Hello."
I never got to say goodbye before
Let me out
I am searching
For the life that's meant for me
And far away I will be running
I have seen my freedom
And I must catch it
Oh, I must catch it...
As we embrace, the tears roll down.
"Where have you been?"
He smiles at me, "I never left,"
"You close the door on me."
He let me out
I'm still searching
For the life he meant for me
But far away, I am still running
I have found my freedom
And I keep running
Oh, we keep running...
Him and me.
In the dark hours of the night, it's much easier to reflect on your life, and figure out those things that torture you incessantly, without your knowing it. For me, being trapped in familiar places with no sense of adventure anywhere has been my constant disease. Somehow, writing songs seems to help a little with things like this.
Place it on my bookshelf
It's filling up, but there is more
Deep inside myself
The pen's run dry; I move to take
Another from a drawer
I glance beyond the window pane
I'm not sure what I'm looking for
The grass is brown, the leaves are falling
Although they once were green
The light of day is bleak and empty
For there is far too much I've seen
My study walls are too familiar
The wood has lost its sheen
Let me out
I am screaming
This is not what's meant for me
Far away I will be running
I have lost my freedom
And I can't catch it
Oh, I can't catch it...
Lost in thought; that's hardly strange
My head, my study, where I am
I was never meant to live here
But I am
But I am...
Slowly now, the door is op'ning
I barely even bat an eye
Then I turn. He says, "Hello."
I never got to say goodbye before
Let me out
I am searching
For the life that's meant for me
And far away I will be running
I have seen my freedom
And I must catch it
Oh, I must catch it...
As we embrace, the tears roll down.
"Where have you been?"
He smiles at me, "I never left,"
"You close the door on me."
He let me out
I'm still searching
For the life he meant for me
But far away, I am still running
I have found my freedom
And I keep running
Oh, we keep running...
Him and me.
In the dark hours of the night, it's much easier to reflect on your life, and figure out those things that torture you incessantly, without your knowing it. For me, being trapped in familiar places with no sense of adventure anywhere has been my constant disease. Somehow, writing songs seems to help a little with things like this.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Bit of Writing
The first draft (sort of) of my work-in-progress, Starlines I: Beyond the Sky. If you like reading amateur work, go right ahead:
Sann stared incredulously at the man standing in front of him. "Vacate? Now? You do realize what you're requesting will wreak havok with our tests, don't you?"
The tall, suit-clad man lifted his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, Mr. Thares, but the most recent government mandate--er, excuse me, one of the most recent government mandates--includes a new and quite strict laboratory building code, and, to put it bluntly, your archaic establishment is rather lacking in several vital areas, and since Sterwill industries will have a new facility up and running within a few weeks, we recommended to your superior that the company proceed ahead of schedule to avoid any legal issues."
Sann stood up, turning to face the large window behind his desk, grumbling to himself. "The United Global States, a worldwide country of advancement," he said sarcastically. "If they would stop putting out so many mandates and start getting some actual work done, I might actually believe it." He turned to face the man once more, placing his hands on the back of his chair. "This is unacceptable. We have several major tests being performed, tests that could revolutionize cybernetics, and moving to the new facility is impossible without scrapping them. Your humanitarian government wouldn't want to stand in the way of life-saving technological advancement, would it?"
"All mandates are final and immediate. You have one week." With that, the man turned, scooping up his briefcase near the door on his way out. Before leaving, he turned to add, "I wouldn't push your luck. Our government may be 'humanitarian', but they don't abide untimely obedience any more than they abide lawlessness."
Sann slumped down into his chair, gazing glumly out the window at the sprawling city of [city name here]. During his better moods, he still found himself amazed that the smooth, towering skyscrapers and endless urban areas had once been a gigantic graveyard of collapsed buildings and poisoned air. The only evidence of the devastation of World War III was the Radiation Restoration Center, a large yet low-lying complex slightly removed from the city, easily identified by its huge air-intake vents, the only part of the building that was more than 3 stories tall.
And yet, despite the marvel before him, all he could think about was 6-month tests becoming obsolete; how much he hated the worldwide government; how much he wished he had been born 50 years earlier, and had never become Mr. Sterwill's EXO.
The beeping of his office's communicator brought him back to his office once more. He reached over and pressed a button on his desk. "Yes, Jesi, what is it?" he asked wearily.
The voice of his secretary replied, "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but a package just arrived for you."
"A package? From who?"
"The name on the return address is 'John Emmerson'. Friend of yours?"
Sann frowned. "No, I've never heard of him. But go ahead and send it up."
"Right away, sir."
He stood up and walked over to the mail distributor on one wall of the room. After a few moments, the indicator light began flashing. He pulled open the mail bin, revealing a rather small cardboard box with a letter taped to the top. He lifted the package out, and was surprised to find it was very light. He brought it to his desk, and began fumbling through drawers. Finally withdrawing a letter opener, he cut open the letter.
He withdrew a piece of paper, as well as several pictures. He leaned back, and began to read the letter.
Mr. Sann Thares:
Since writing in a professional way isn't exactly my strong point, I'll skip the pleasantries for now. My name is John Emmerson, and I'm an inventor. My brother, Kyse, and I (first picture) have been developing advanced technologies for quite awhile now, and are finally moving out of the theory stage and into testing. But, being short on money at the moment, we're in need of a sponsor to help pay for our prototypes, and maybe even share information to get these advancements off the ground (literally speaking, in some cases). The reason we haven't given our information over to the government is because, frankly, we don't believe they'll do nearly as much with it as an independant company would.
Now...having said all that, I'd like to explain what we've got so far. First off, we've been coming up with a more efficient spacecraft engine. (On paper, the engines increase maximum speed by around 500% over conventional engines. We included a basic sketch of the engine's components, but, for safety reasons, we left out the more specific things. The sketch should give you a basic idea of how it works, however.)
Secondly, we're working on smelting together an energy-conductive, super-strong metal by fusing a variety of metals. Again, we can't say anything specific, but we've managed to create a sheet of it, about the size of a piece of paper. We took it down to a military base and tested it against a variety of weapons, including assault rifles, thermal weapons (pistols and rifles), sniper rifles, armor-piercing rounds, explosive rounds, and even fired at it with a tank. As you can see in the third picture, the dent was amazingly small. In addition, with the help of your scientists, we think we can apply the shielding techniques used for military buildings could be applied to this material, by running a current of energy through the metal to make it anti-magnetic.
The third thing we've come up with, and the one we're most excited about, is the corridor generator. It may sound strange, but this device is actually capable of creating a wormhole tunnel in a straight line -- the more energy used, the longer the distance. This is all theoretical, and we're still trying to figure out how to make it practical energy-wise, but if we figure this out, it could very well be the key to interstellar travel. With biosphere technology improving rapidly, we could even colonize other solar systems.
Please give us a call if you find this worthy of your attention. Our communication line is 28-7359-20315.
I hope you find this worth your while. Sterwill Industries is the fourth company we've offered to partner with, and I can't think of many others who'd be able to help us.
Sincerely,
J. Emmerson
Sann sat, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. After a moment, he slid his chair forward, pressing a series of buttons.
"Hello, who's this?" a voice asked from the speakers.
"Is this John Emmerson?"
"No, this is Kyse. I can get him if you want."
"If that's necessary. I just wanted to let you both know I've decided to present your offer to my CEO. If he agrees, you'll be partnering with Sterwill Industries."
"That's...that's great!" said the voice in disbelief. "We can't thank you enough. Would you like to discuss things with my brother?"
"Certainly."
"I'll go get him," Kyse replied, his voice fairly bursting with excitement.
Sann chuckled. "You do that."
Sann stared incredulously at the man standing in front of him. "Vacate? Now? You do realize what you're requesting will wreak havok with our tests, don't you?"
The tall, suit-clad man lifted his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, Mr. Thares, but the most recent government mandate--er, excuse me, one of the most recent government mandates--includes a new and quite strict laboratory building code, and, to put it bluntly, your archaic establishment is rather lacking in several vital areas, and since Sterwill industries will have a new facility up and running within a few weeks, we recommended to your superior that the company proceed ahead of schedule to avoid any legal issues."
Sann stood up, turning to face the large window behind his desk, grumbling to himself. "The United Global States, a worldwide country of advancement," he said sarcastically. "If they would stop putting out so many mandates and start getting some actual work done, I might actually believe it." He turned to face the man once more, placing his hands on the back of his chair. "This is unacceptable. We have several major tests being performed, tests that could revolutionize cybernetics, and moving to the new facility is impossible without scrapping them. Your humanitarian government wouldn't want to stand in the way of life-saving technological advancement, would it?"
"All mandates are final and immediate. You have one week." With that, the man turned, scooping up his briefcase near the door on his way out. Before leaving, he turned to add, "I wouldn't push your luck. Our government may be 'humanitarian', but they don't abide untimely obedience any more than they abide lawlessness."
Sann slumped down into his chair, gazing glumly out the window at the sprawling city of [city name here]. During his better moods, he still found himself amazed that the smooth, towering skyscrapers and endless urban areas had once been a gigantic graveyard of collapsed buildings and poisoned air. The only evidence of the devastation of World War III was the Radiation Restoration Center, a large yet low-lying complex slightly removed from the city, easily identified by its huge air-intake vents, the only part of the building that was more than 3 stories tall.
And yet, despite the marvel before him, all he could think about was 6-month tests becoming obsolete; how much he hated the worldwide government; how much he wished he had been born 50 years earlier, and had never become Mr. Sterwill's EXO.
The beeping of his office's communicator brought him back to his office once more. He reached over and pressed a button on his desk. "Yes, Jesi, what is it?" he asked wearily.
The voice of his secretary replied, "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but a package just arrived for you."
"A package? From who?"
"The name on the return address is 'John Emmerson'. Friend of yours?"
Sann frowned. "No, I've never heard of him. But go ahead and send it up."
"Right away, sir."
He stood up and walked over to the mail distributor on one wall of the room. After a few moments, the indicator light began flashing. He pulled open the mail bin, revealing a rather small cardboard box with a letter taped to the top. He lifted the package out, and was surprised to find it was very light. He brought it to his desk, and began fumbling through drawers. Finally withdrawing a letter opener, he cut open the letter.
He withdrew a piece of paper, as well as several pictures. He leaned back, and began to read the letter.
Mr. Sann Thares:
Since writing in a professional way isn't exactly my strong point, I'll skip the pleasantries for now. My name is John Emmerson, and I'm an inventor. My brother, Kyse, and I (first picture) have been developing advanced technologies for quite awhile now, and are finally moving out of the theory stage and into testing. But, being short on money at the moment, we're in need of a sponsor to help pay for our prototypes, and maybe even share information to get these advancements off the ground (literally speaking, in some cases). The reason we haven't given our information over to the government is because, frankly, we don't believe they'll do nearly as much with it as an independant company would.
Now...having said all that, I'd like to explain what we've got so far. First off, we've been coming up with a more efficient spacecraft engine. (On paper, the engines increase maximum speed by around 500% over conventional engines. We included a basic sketch of the engine's components, but, for safety reasons, we left out the more specific things. The sketch should give you a basic idea of how it works, however.)
Secondly, we're working on smelting together an energy-conductive, super-strong metal by fusing a variety of metals. Again, we can't say anything specific, but we've managed to create a sheet of it, about the size of a piece of paper. We took it down to a military base and tested it against a variety of weapons, including assault rifles, thermal weapons (pistols and rifles), sniper rifles, armor-piercing rounds, explosive rounds, and even fired at it with a tank. As you can see in the third picture, the dent was amazingly small. In addition, with the help of your scientists, we think we can apply the shielding techniques used for military buildings could be applied to this material, by running a current of energy through the metal to make it anti-magnetic.
The third thing we've come up with, and the one we're most excited about, is the corridor generator. It may sound strange, but this device is actually capable of creating a wormhole tunnel in a straight line -- the more energy used, the longer the distance. This is all theoretical, and we're still trying to figure out how to make it practical energy-wise, but if we figure this out, it could very well be the key to interstellar travel. With biosphere technology improving rapidly, we could even colonize other solar systems.
Please give us a call if you find this worthy of your attention. Our communication line is 28-7359-20315.
I hope you find this worth your while. Sterwill Industries is the fourth company we've offered to partner with, and I can't think of many others who'd be able to help us.
Sincerely,
J. Emmerson
Sann sat, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. After a moment, he slid his chair forward, pressing a series of buttons.
"Hello, who's this?" a voice asked from the speakers.
"Is this John Emmerson?"
"No, this is Kyse. I can get him if you want."
"If that's necessary. I just wanted to let you both know I've decided to present your offer to my CEO. If he agrees, you'll be partnering with Sterwill Industries."
"That's...that's great!" said the voice in disbelief. "We can't thank you enough. Would you like to discuss things with my brother?"
"Certainly."
"I'll go get him," Kyse replied, his voice fairly bursting with excitement.
Sann chuckled. "You do that."
Monday, January 10, 2011
Of God and Christianity (What Most Don't Understand)
I figure it's about time I wrote a summary of the things I've learned about God in the last few months, and more completely explain my sudden spiritual uprising. So here I go... (Apologies in advance for the length of this post.)
First of all, I thank my dad and my friend Bristol for their spiritual assistance and support. Especially Bristol for recommending John Eldredge's books to me. Without him, I might still be where I was, stuck in spiritual depression. But most of all, I must thank God for giving me a way out and showing me his true self.
I mentioned John Eldredge; if you don't know who he is, he's a Christian man who wrote several books on Christianity, and runs/is a part of (not sure which) Ransomed Heart Ministries. God has truly blessed me (and so many others, I'm sure) in putting this man on the earth. The first book of his that I read was called Waking the Dead, and was my spiritual defibrilator/alarm clock/etc. Here is the introduction:
"There are few things more crucial to us than our own lives. And there are few things we are less clear about. We're not fully convinced that God's offer to us is life. We have forgotten that the heart is central. And we had no idea that we were born into a world at war."
These first words spoke straight to the heart of my problems. I was feeling emotionally and spiritually detached from the world, as if, except when I actually went out to a place where there were people besides my family present, I was trapped in a place where I was stuck with my thoughts in an inescapable place. Even walking around the neighborhood didn't help after I'd done it a couple times. I was alone, tortured by restless thoughts, desperate for peace but unable to find it. John Eldredge's opening words about an unclear life were a tamer version of my dilemma. Bristol recommended this book because he recognized my position, and I'm so thankful he did. I finally saw the veil that Satan had put over my life, and brushed it away, getting my first look at what the spiritual life really is.
Although I found the way out, it took a long time (my discovery was during autumn/fall). 2 seasons before I found out about the book, we were living in a different neighborhood (this was during the end of winter and into spring), where I was most strongly experiencing my trapped life. Here, I also faced another problem: I didn't even know if I was a Christian. My parents always assured me that I was, but I was not sure. I've always taken the Bible seriously, and understood things (for the most part), but I didn't feel inclined to be actively reading the Bible or praying, because, frankly, reading the Bible was boring (it still kind of is) because the only parts that weren't repeated half to death at church were Old Testament (and some New Testament) historical things which aren't nearly as applicable to life as, say, Paul's letters. The prophetic books, along with Proverbs, were horrifyingly tedious to read through, and every verse of the later books of the New Testament felt like a repeat of something I'd heard a thousand times over. As for my lack of prayer, my thoughts were as such: "If God has a plan from beginning to end, and will do what he wants whether I pray or not, then why pray at all? If I ask for anything, it all depends on whether or not it's in his plan to do it, and even then, why pray for it if he's going to do it anyway?" etc, etc. You get the idea. Doubts of my faith were made worse by discouraging opinions (not necessarily correct) that because of this lack of desire, I might not be a real Christian.
I still don't particularly feel inclined or motivated to read the Bible. Not to say there isn't some interesting stuff in it, but I still feel like I know Paul's words by heart (not literally though). But right after my reawakening, as I was getting ready for bed, I was given a commandment by God: he wanted me to read the book of John. So, I asked my mom if I could stay up and read it. She allowed me to, and I read through it. There wasn't much to speak of, but it was an interesting read. But one commandment (where Jesus is talking to Peter on the beach) stuck out to me: Feed my sheep. I then proceeded to have a conversation in my head with God (the first time I'd ever done it, and one of the most amazing things ever), and I was convinced he wanted me to share my new discoveries with others.
Oh, I forgot to mention one other thing (it concerns both the veil I talked about earlier, and prayer). After I read John Eldredge's book, I understood another important fact: demons are real, and they aren't inclined to leave us alone. I already slightly understood this. But I only saw it on the level of fears that come upon us for no reason: for me, being afraid while I'm in bed in the dark. I've imagined the very top of someone's moving head showing from behind a short railing/wall in the attic bedroom of our previous house, and I've pictured the edges of someone's feet moving at the top of the stairs leading down to where we currently sleep in the basement. And I've been inclined (by no wish of my own) to recall frightening things I've seen or heard. (You know how when you first think of something, it's hard not to delve deeper and bring to light snippets of stored memories, especially when it comes to fear?) All these are certainly inspired by Satan's servants, but they are far more present than any of us usually think. They inspire hurtful words to come from the mouths of others. They play on our human weakness by using our body's sinful nature to tempt us to sin (this also carries over from the first example). They are the discouraging voices we think are our own thoughts. When you think, "I'm worthless. God can't use me," stop. Think. That is not you talking. That's the enemy. When someone says something that wounds you like an arrow, stop and think before lashing back with an equally damaging comment. It's not them, it's Satan! (You may have read the verse in the New Testament where Jesus says to Peter, "Get behind me/away from me, Satan!" Peter wasn't talking; Satan was.) When you feel inclined to drop a snide comment or get angry at someone for no apparent reason, stop. (Guess what I'm going to say...it's NOT YOU! Resist the temptation to say it!) You get the idea. There are so many other ways that our foes use our words and thoughts (and the words of others) against us, causing massive emotional damage. (When I was told my lack of biblical interest might imply I wasn't a Christian, I didn't understand where this was coming from. I thought these people knew what they were talking about. Strangely enough, they didn't completely.) This is where the prayer aspect comes in. Prayer is the weapon God has given us to fight off these spiritual attacks. Without him, we stand no chance.
Life is a war. But it is also so much more than that. It's a love story: we are the beloved, and God is the Lover. This is described a little in The Sacred Romance, co-authored by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis (a friend of John's who died a short time after the book was written). God tries to get us to come to him, but we consistently turn away to our false lovers - our temptations and sins. Part of the reason is because our picture of God - and Heaven as well - has become something far from reality. We picture God as a guy sitting on a throne somewhere in the clouds, and when we die, we go there and sing worship songs for all eternity, maybe eat some food at a big table. We have lost the true image. God is the most amazing and wonderful person to ever exist, and we can't even begin to imagine what he is really like. One aspect of his that I've lost is his love; I don't really get what it's like to be loved by someone I can't see or talk to. I don't feel it. But it's there, whether we feel it or not, and we'll experience it when we return Home. This Home of ours is the most beautiful place we've ever seen, and our personal places in this land are made just for us - the real us. Not the face we put on for the world to see, or even most of the thoughts we think; our true self. The inner being that is so different from what we are now that we wouldn't recognize ourselves if we saw them on the street. This is what we're made to be: perfect men and women, living in a perfect Home with our Creator. How little we understand this. (I'd also like to mention another book written by Eldredge: The Journey of Desire.)
My journey is far from over, as far as I can tell (which isn't very much). I've got a lot of work to do before I'm myself, or can even understand myself. For now, I'm stuck in a hazy middleground we call reality, assaulted by my God's enemies, scorned by the "normal" people around me, tortured by my thoughts. But someday soon, this nightmare we call life will be over, and we'll finally be where we belong - with our God, our Lover, our Creator. Jehovah, Yahweh, I AM THAT I AM...I could go on endlessly.
Take heart, brothers and sisters of the faith, for our God has not forsaken us. He has given us an account of his return (called Revalation by the Bible), prophesied by John, disciple of Jesus, so that we may await his coming with eagerness.
Don't let the haze take hold of you. Keep your sanity. Keep fighting. Keep praying, keep reading, keep healing. Never stop being who you are. There are so many who leave the path of Christianity because they don't understand it. Do not be one of them. Learn all that you can. It's not about doing what's right, it's about following the one who made us. Stay strong, stay alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour.
Signed, with passion, sincerity, and what little wisdom I have to offer,
Dane Rosengren
Christian, servant of Jesus Christ and the Lord God of Israel, and keeper of the Faith.
May it be so (or Amen).
I summarize all the books that have helped me, plus one I haven't gotten yet (I recommend reading the first three in the presented order):
The Sacred Romance
The Journey of Desire
Waking the Dead
Walking with God
Epic
All are written by John Eldredge (the first is co-authored by Brent Curtis), and are an amazing and inspiring read.
First of all, I thank my dad and my friend Bristol for their spiritual assistance and support. Especially Bristol for recommending John Eldredge's books to me. Without him, I might still be where I was, stuck in spiritual depression. But most of all, I must thank God for giving me a way out and showing me his true self.
I mentioned John Eldredge; if you don't know who he is, he's a Christian man who wrote several books on Christianity, and runs/is a part of (not sure which) Ransomed Heart Ministries. God has truly blessed me (and so many others, I'm sure) in putting this man on the earth. The first book of his that I read was called Waking the Dead, and was my spiritual defibrilator/alarm clock/etc. Here is the introduction:
"There are few things more crucial to us than our own lives. And there are few things we are less clear about. We're not fully convinced that God's offer to us is life. We have forgotten that the heart is central. And we had no idea that we were born into a world at war."
These first words spoke straight to the heart of my problems. I was feeling emotionally and spiritually detached from the world, as if, except when I actually went out to a place where there were people besides my family present, I was trapped in a place where I was stuck with my thoughts in an inescapable place. Even walking around the neighborhood didn't help after I'd done it a couple times. I was alone, tortured by restless thoughts, desperate for peace but unable to find it. John Eldredge's opening words about an unclear life were a tamer version of my dilemma. Bristol recommended this book because he recognized my position, and I'm so thankful he did. I finally saw the veil that Satan had put over my life, and brushed it away, getting my first look at what the spiritual life really is.
Although I found the way out, it took a long time (my discovery was during autumn/fall). 2 seasons before I found out about the book, we were living in a different neighborhood (this was during the end of winter and into spring), where I was most strongly experiencing my trapped life. Here, I also faced another problem: I didn't even know if I was a Christian. My parents always assured me that I was, but I was not sure. I've always taken the Bible seriously, and understood things (for the most part), but I didn't feel inclined to be actively reading the Bible or praying, because, frankly, reading the Bible was boring (it still kind of is) because the only parts that weren't repeated half to death at church were Old Testament (and some New Testament) historical things which aren't nearly as applicable to life as, say, Paul's letters. The prophetic books, along with Proverbs, were horrifyingly tedious to read through, and every verse of the later books of the New Testament felt like a repeat of something I'd heard a thousand times over. As for my lack of prayer, my thoughts were as such: "If God has a plan from beginning to end, and will do what he wants whether I pray or not, then why pray at all? If I ask for anything, it all depends on whether or not it's in his plan to do it, and even then, why pray for it if he's going to do it anyway?" etc, etc. You get the idea. Doubts of my faith were made worse by discouraging opinions (not necessarily correct) that because of this lack of desire, I might not be a real Christian.
I still don't particularly feel inclined or motivated to read the Bible. Not to say there isn't some interesting stuff in it, but I still feel like I know Paul's words by heart (not literally though). But right after my reawakening, as I was getting ready for bed, I was given a commandment by God: he wanted me to read the book of John. So, I asked my mom if I could stay up and read it. She allowed me to, and I read through it. There wasn't much to speak of, but it was an interesting read. But one commandment (where Jesus is talking to Peter on the beach) stuck out to me: Feed my sheep. I then proceeded to have a conversation in my head with God (the first time I'd ever done it, and one of the most amazing things ever), and I was convinced he wanted me to share my new discoveries with others.
Oh, I forgot to mention one other thing (it concerns both the veil I talked about earlier, and prayer). After I read John Eldredge's book, I understood another important fact: demons are real, and they aren't inclined to leave us alone. I already slightly understood this. But I only saw it on the level of fears that come upon us for no reason: for me, being afraid while I'm in bed in the dark. I've imagined the very top of someone's moving head showing from behind a short railing/wall in the attic bedroom of our previous house, and I've pictured the edges of someone's feet moving at the top of the stairs leading down to where we currently sleep in the basement. And I've been inclined (by no wish of my own) to recall frightening things I've seen or heard. (You know how when you first think of something, it's hard not to delve deeper and bring to light snippets of stored memories, especially when it comes to fear?) All these are certainly inspired by Satan's servants, but they are far more present than any of us usually think. They inspire hurtful words to come from the mouths of others. They play on our human weakness by using our body's sinful nature to tempt us to sin (this also carries over from the first example). They are the discouraging voices we think are our own thoughts. When you think, "I'm worthless. God can't use me," stop. Think. That is not you talking. That's the enemy. When someone says something that wounds you like an arrow, stop and think before lashing back with an equally damaging comment. It's not them, it's Satan! (You may have read the verse in the New Testament where Jesus says to Peter, "Get behind me/away from me, Satan!" Peter wasn't talking; Satan was.) When you feel inclined to drop a snide comment or get angry at someone for no apparent reason, stop. (Guess what I'm going to say...it's NOT YOU! Resist the temptation to say it!) You get the idea. There are so many other ways that our foes use our words and thoughts (and the words of others) against us, causing massive emotional damage. (When I was told my lack of biblical interest might imply I wasn't a Christian, I didn't understand where this was coming from. I thought these people knew what they were talking about. Strangely enough, they didn't completely.) This is where the prayer aspect comes in. Prayer is the weapon God has given us to fight off these spiritual attacks. Without him, we stand no chance.
Life is a war. But it is also so much more than that. It's a love story: we are the beloved, and God is the Lover. This is described a little in The Sacred Romance, co-authored by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis (a friend of John's who died a short time after the book was written). God tries to get us to come to him, but we consistently turn away to our false lovers - our temptations and sins. Part of the reason is because our picture of God - and Heaven as well - has become something far from reality. We picture God as a guy sitting on a throne somewhere in the clouds, and when we die, we go there and sing worship songs for all eternity, maybe eat some food at a big table. We have lost the true image. God is the most amazing and wonderful person to ever exist, and we can't even begin to imagine what he is really like. One aspect of his that I've lost is his love; I don't really get what it's like to be loved by someone I can't see or talk to. I don't feel it. But it's there, whether we feel it or not, and we'll experience it when we return Home. This Home of ours is the most beautiful place we've ever seen, and our personal places in this land are made just for us - the real us. Not the face we put on for the world to see, or even most of the thoughts we think; our true self. The inner being that is so different from what we are now that we wouldn't recognize ourselves if we saw them on the street. This is what we're made to be: perfect men and women, living in a perfect Home with our Creator. How little we understand this. (I'd also like to mention another book written by Eldredge: The Journey of Desire.)
My journey is far from over, as far as I can tell (which isn't very much). I've got a lot of work to do before I'm myself, or can even understand myself. For now, I'm stuck in a hazy middleground we call reality, assaulted by my God's enemies, scorned by the "normal" people around me, tortured by my thoughts. But someday soon, this nightmare we call life will be over, and we'll finally be where we belong - with our God, our Lover, our Creator. Jehovah, Yahweh, I AM THAT I AM...I could go on endlessly.
Take heart, brothers and sisters of the faith, for our God has not forsaken us. He has given us an account of his return (called Revalation by the Bible), prophesied by John, disciple of Jesus, so that we may await his coming with eagerness.
Don't let the haze take hold of you. Keep your sanity. Keep fighting. Keep praying, keep reading, keep healing. Never stop being who you are. There are so many who leave the path of Christianity because they don't understand it. Do not be one of them. Learn all that you can. It's not about doing what's right, it's about following the one who made us. Stay strong, stay alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour.
Signed, with passion, sincerity, and what little wisdom I have to offer,
Dane Rosengren
Christian, servant of Jesus Christ and the Lord God of Israel, and keeper of the Faith.
May it be so (or Amen).
I summarize all the books that have helped me, plus one I haven't gotten yet (I recommend reading the first three in the presented order):
The Sacred Romance
The Journey of Desire
Waking the Dead
Walking with God
Epic
All are written by John Eldredge (the first is co-authored by Brent Curtis), and are an amazing and inspiring read.
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