The book is full; I close the pages
Place it on my bookshelf
It's filling up, but there is more
Deep inside myself
The pen's run dry; I move to take
Another from a drawer
I glance beyond the window pane
I'm not sure what I'm looking for
The grass is brown, the leaves are falling
Although they once were green
The light of day is bleak and empty
For there is far too much I've seen
My study walls are too familiar
The wood has lost its sheen
Let me out
I am screaming
This is not what's meant for me
Far away I will be running
I have lost my freedom
And I can't catch it
Oh, I can't catch it...
Lost in thought; that's hardly strange
My head, my study, where I am
I was never meant to live here
But I am
But I am...
Slowly now, the door is op'ning
I barely even bat an eye
Then I turn. He says, "Hello."
I never got to say goodbye before
Let me out
I am searching
For the life that's meant for me
And far away I will be running
I have seen my freedom
And I must catch it
Oh, I must catch it...
As we embrace, the tears roll down.
"Where have you been?"
He smiles at me, "I never left,"
"You close the door on me."
He let me out
I'm still searching
For the life he meant for me
But far away, I am still running
I have found my freedom
And I keep running
Oh, we keep running...
Him and me.
In the dark hours of the night, it's much easier to reflect on your life, and figure out those things that torture you incessantly, without your knowing it. For me, being trapped in familiar places with no sense of adventure anywhere has been my constant disease. Somehow, writing songs seems to help a little with things like this.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Bit of Writing
The first draft (sort of) of my work-in-progress, Starlines I: Beyond the Sky. If you like reading amateur work, go right ahead:
Sann stared incredulously at the man standing in front of him. "Vacate? Now? You do realize what you're requesting will wreak havok with our tests, don't you?"
The tall, suit-clad man lifted his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, Mr. Thares, but the most recent government mandate--er, excuse me, one of the most recent government mandates--includes a new and quite strict laboratory building code, and, to put it bluntly, your archaic establishment is rather lacking in several vital areas, and since Sterwill industries will have a new facility up and running within a few weeks, we recommended to your superior that the company proceed ahead of schedule to avoid any legal issues."
Sann stood up, turning to face the large window behind his desk, grumbling to himself. "The United Global States, a worldwide country of advancement," he said sarcastically. "If they would stop putting out so many mandates and start getting some actual work done, I might actually believe it." He turned to face the man once more, placing his hands on the back of his chair. "This is unacceptable. We have several major tests being performed, tests that could revolutionize cybernetics, and moving to the new facility is impossible without scrapping them. Your humanitarian government wouldn't want to stand in the way of life-saving technological advancement, would it?"
"All mandates are final and immediate. You have one week." With that, the man turned, scooping up his briefcase near the door on his way out. Before leaving, he turned to add, "I wouldn't push your luck. Our government may be 'humanitarian', but they don't abide untimely obedience any more than they abide lawlessness."
Sann slumped down into his chair, gazing glumly out the window at the sprawling city of [city name here]. During his better moods, he still found himself amazed that the smooth, towering skyscrapers and endless urban areas had once been a gigantic graveyard of collapsed buildings and poisoned air. The only evidence of the devastation of World War III was the Radiation Restoration Center, a large yet low-lying complex slightly removed from the city, easily identified by its huge air-intake vents, the only part of the building that was more than 3 stories tall.
And yet, despite the marvel before him, all he could think about was 6-month tests becoming obsolete; how much he hated the worldwide government; how much he wished he had been born 50 years earlier, and had never become Mr. Sterwill's EXO.
The beeping of his office's communicator brought him back to his office once more. He reached over and pressed a button on his desk. "Yes, Jesi, what is it?" he asked wearily.
The voice of his secretary replied, "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but a package just arrived for you."
"A package? From who?"
"The name on the return address is 'John Emmerson'. Friend of yours?"
Sann frowned. "No, I've never heard of him. But go ahead and send it up."
"Right away, sir."
He stood up and walked over to the mail distributor on one wall of the room. After a few moments, the indicator light began flashing. He pulled open the mail bin, revealing a rather small cardboard box with a letter taped to the top. He lifted the package out, and was surprised to find it was very light. He brought it to his desk, and began fumbling through drawers. Finally withdrawing a letter opener, he cut open the letter.
He withdrew a piece of paper, as well as several pictures. He leaned back, and began to read the letter.
Mr. Sann Thares:
Since writing in a professional way isn't exactly my strong point, I'll skip the pleasantries for now. My name is John Emmerson, and I'm an inventor. My brother, Kyse, and I (first picture) have been developing advanced technologies for quite awhile now, and are finally moving out of the theory stage and into testing. But, being short on money at the moment, we're in need of a sponsor to help pay for our prototypes, and maybe even share information to get these advancements off the ground (literally speaking, in some cases). The reason we haven't given our information over to the government is because, frankly, we don't believe they'll do nearly as much with it as an independant company would.
Now...having said all that, I'd like to explain what we've got so far. First off, we've been coming up with a more efficient spacecraft engine. (On paper, the engines increase maximum speed by around 500% over conventional engines. We included a basic sketch of the engine's components, but, for safety reasons, we left out the more specific things. The sketch should give you a basic idea of how it works, however.)
Secondly, we're working on smelting together an energy-conductive, super-strong metal by fusing a variety of metals. Again, we can't say anything specific, but we've managed to create a sheet of it, about the size of a piece of paper. We took it down to a military base and tested it against a variety of weapons, including assault rifles, thermal weapons (pistols and rifles), sniper rifles, armor-piercing rounds, explosive rounds, and even fired at it with a tank. As you can see in the third picture, the dent was amazingly small. In addition, with the help of your scientists, we think we can apply the shielding techniques used for military buildings could be applied to this material, by running a current of energy through the metal to make it anti-magnetic.
The third thing we've come up with, and the one we're most excited about, is the corridor generator. It may sound strange, but this device is actually capable of creating a wormhole tunnel in a straight line -- the more energy used, the longer the distance. This is all theoretical, and we're still trying to figure out how to make it practical energy-wise, but if we figure this out, it could very well be the key to interstellar travel. With biosphere technology improving rapidly, we could even colonize other solar systems.
Please give us a call if you find this worthy of your attention. Our communication line is 28-7359-20315.
I hope you find this worth your while. Sterwill Industries is the fourth company we've offered to partner with, and I can't think of many others who'd be able to help us.
Sincerely,
J. Emmerson
Sann sat, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. After a moment, he slid his chair forward, pressing a series of buttons.
"Hello, who's this?" a voice asked from the speakers.
"Is this John Emmerson?"
"No, this is Kyse. I can get him if you want."
"If that's necessary. I just wanted to let you both know I've decided to present your offer to my CEO. If he agrees, you'll be partnering with Sterwill Industries."
"That's...that's great!" said the voice in disbelief. "We can't thank you enough. Would you like to discuss things with my brother?"
"Certainly."
"I'll go get him," Kyse replied, his voice fairly bursting with excitement.
Sann chuckled. "You do that."
Sann stared incredulously at the man standing in front of him. "Vacate? Now? You do realize what you're requesting will wreak havok with our tests, don't you?"
The tall, suit-clad man lifted his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, Mr. Thares, but the most recent government mandate--er, excuse me, one of the most recent government mandates--includes a new and quite strict laboratory building code, and, to put it bluntly, your archaic establishment is rather lacking in several vital areas, and since Sterwill industries will have a new facility up and running within a few weeks, we recommended to your superior that the company proceed ahead of schedule to avoid any legal issues."
Sann stood up, turning to face the large window behind his desk, grumbling to himself. "The United Global States, a worldwide country of advancement," he said sarcastically. "If they would stop putting out so many mandates and start getting some actual work done, I might actually believe it." He turned to face the man once more, placing his hands on the back of his chair. "This is unacceptable. We have several major tests being performed, tests that could revolutionize cybernetics, and moving to the new facility is impossible without scrapping them. Your humanitarian government wouldn't want to stand in the way of life-saving technological advancement, would it?"
"All mandates are final and immediate. You have one week." With that, the man turned, scooping up his briefcase near the door on his way out. Before leaving, he turned to add, "I wouldn't push your luck. Our government may be 'humanitarian', but they don't abide untimely obedience any more than they abide lawlessness."
Sann slumped down into his chair, gazing glumly out the window at the sprawling city of [city name here]. During his better moods, he still found himself amazed that the smooth, towering skyscrapers and endless urban areas had once been a gigantic graveyard of collapsed buildings and poisoned air. The only evidence of the devastation of World War III was the Radiation Restoration Center, a large yet low-lying complex slightly removed from the city, easily identified by its huge air-intake vents, the only part of the building that was more than 3 stories tall.
And yet, despite the marvel before him, all he could think about was 6-month tests becoming obsolete; how much he hated the worldwide government; how much he wished he had been born 50 years earlier, and had never become Mr. Sterwill's EXO.
The beeping of his office's communicator brought him back to his office once more. He reached over and pressed a button on his desk. "Yes, Jesi, what is it?" he asked wearily.
The voice of his secretary replied, "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but a package just arrived for you."
"A package? From who?"
"The name on the return address is 'John Emmerson'. Friend of yours?"
Sann frowned. "No, I've never heard of him. But go ahead and send it up."
"Right away, sir."
He stood up and walked over to the mail distributor on one wall of the room. After a few moments, the indicator light began flashing. He pulled open the mail bin, revealing a rather small cardboard box with a letter taped to the top. He lifted the package out, and was surprised to find it was very light. He brought it to his desk, and began fumbling through drawers. Finally withdrawing a letter opener, he cut open the letter.
He withdrew a piece of paper, as well as several pictures. He leaned back, and began to read the letter.
Mr. Sann Thares:
Since writing in a professional way isn't exactly my strong point, I'll skip the pleasantries for now. My name is John Emmerson, and I'm an inventor. My brother, Kyse, and I (first picture) have been developing advanced technologies for quite awhile now, and are finally moving out of the theory stage and into testing. But, being short on money at the moment, we're in need of a sponsor to help pay for our prototypes, and maybe even share information to get these advancements off the ground (literally speaking, in some cases). The reason we haven't given our information over to the government is because, frankly, we don't believe they'll do nearly as much with it as an independant company would.
Now...having said all that, I'd like to explain what we've got so far. First off, we've been coming up with a more efficient spacecraft engine. (On paper, the engines increase maximum speed by around 500% over conventional engines. We included a basic sketch of the engine's components, but, for safety reasons, we left out the more specific things. The sketch should give you a basic idea of how it works, however.)
Secondly, we're working on smelting together an energy-conductive, super-strong metal by fusing a variety of metals. Again, we can't say anything specific, but we've managed to create a sheet of it, about the size of a piece of paper. We took it down to a military base and tested it against a variety of weapons, including assault rifles, thermal weapons (pistols and rifles), sniper rifles, armor-piercing rounds, explosive rounds, and even fired at it with a tank. As you can see in the third picture, the dent was amazingly small. In addition, with the help of your scientists, we think we can apply the shielding techniques used for military buildings could be applied to this material, by running a current of energy through the metal to make it anti-magnetic.
The third thing we've come up with, and the one we're most excited about, is the corridor generator. It may sound strange, but this device is actually capable of creating a wormhole tunnel in a straight line -- the more energy used, the longer the distance. This is all theoretical, and we're still trying to figure out how to make it practical energy-wise, but if we figure this out, it could very well be the key to interstellar travel. With biosphere technology improving rapidly, we could even colonize other solar systems.
Please give us a call if you find this worthy of your attention. Our communication line is 28-7359-20315.
I hope you find this worth your while. Sterwill Industries is the fourth company we've offered to partner with, and I can't think of many others who'd be able to help us.
Sincerely,
J. Emmerson
Sann sat, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. After a moment, he slid his chair forward, pressing a series of buttons.
"Hello, who's this?" a voice asked from the speakers.
"Is this John Emmerson?"
"No, this is Kyse. I can get him if you want."
"If that's necessary. I just wanted to let you both know I've decided to present your offer to my CEO. If he agrees, you'll be partnering with Sterwill Industries."
"That's...that's great!" said the voice in disbelief. "We can't thank you enough. Would you like to discuss things with my brother?"
"Certainly."
"I'll go get him," Kyse replied, his voice fairly bursting with excitement.
Sann chuckled. "You do that."
Monday, January 10, 2011
Of God and Christianity (What Most Don't Understand)
I figure it's about time I wrote a summary of the things I've learned about God in the last few months, and more completely explain my sudden spiritual uprising. So here I go... (Apologies in advance for the length of this post.)
First of all, I thank my dad and my friend Bristol for their spiritual assistance and support. Especially Bristol for recommending John Eldredge's books to me. Without him, I might still be where I was, stuck in spiritual depression. But most of all, I must thank God for giving me a way out and showing me his true self.
I mentioned John Eldredge; if you don't know who he is, he's a Christian man who wrote several books on Christianity, and runs/is a part of (not sure which) Ransomed Heart Ministries. God has truly blessed me (and so many others, I'm sure) in putting this man on the earth. The first book of his that I read was called Waking the Dead, and was my spiritual defibrilator/alarm clock/etc. Here is the introduction:
"There are few things more crucial to us than our own lives. And there are few things we are less clear about. We're not fully convinced that God's offer to us is life. We have forgotten that the heart is central. And we had no idea that we were born into a world at war."
These first words spoke straight to the heart of my problems. I was feeling emotionally and spiritually detached from the world, as if, except when I actually went out to a place where there were people besides my family present, I was trapped in a place where I was stuck with my thoughts in an inescapable place. Even walking around the neighborhood didn't help after I'd done it a couple times. I was alone, tortured by restless thoughts, desperate for peace but unable to find it. John Eldredge's opening words about an unclear life were a tamer version of my dilemma. Bristol recommended this book because he recognized my position, and I'm so thankful he did. I finally saw the veil that Satan had put over my life, and brushed it away, getting my first look at what the spiritual life really is.
Although I found the way out, it took a long time (my discovery was during autumn/fall). 2 seasons before I found out about the book, we were living in a different neighborhood (this was during the end of winter and into spring), where I was most strongly experiencing my trapped life. Here, I also faced another problem: I didn't even know if I was a Christian. My parents always assured me that I was, but I was not sure. I've always taken the Bible seriously, and understood things (for the most part), but I didn't feel inclined to be actively reading the Bible or praying, because, frankly, reading the Bible was boring (it still kind of is) because the only parts that weren't repeated half to death at church were Old Testament (and some New Testament) historical things which aren't nearly as applicable to life as, say, Paul's letters. The prophetic books, along with Proverbs, were horrifyingly tedious to read through, and every verse of the later books of the New Testament felt like a repeat of something I'd heard a thousand times over. As for my lack of prayer, my thoughts were as such: "If God has a plan from beginning to end, and will do what he wants whether I pray or not, then why pray at all? If I ask for anything, it all depends on whether or not it's in his plan to do it, and even then, why pray for it if he's going to do it anyway?" etc, etc. You get the idea. Doubts of my faith were made worse by discouraging opinions (not necessarily correct) that because of this lack of desire, I might not be a real Christian.
I still don't particularly feel inclined or motivated to read the Bible. Not to say there isn't some interesting stuff in it, but I still feel like I know Paul's words by heart (not literally though). But right after my reawakening, as I was getting ready for bed, I was given a commandment by God: he wanted me to read the book of John. So, I asked my mom if I could stay up and read it. She allowed me to, and I read through it. There wasn't much to speak of, but it was an interesting read. But one commandment (where Jesus is talking to Peter on the beach) stuck out to me: Feed my sheep. I then proceeded to have a conversation in my head with God (the first time I'd ever done it, and one of the most amazing things ever), and I was convinced he wanted me to share my new discoveries with others.
Oh, I forgot to mention one other thing (it concerns both the veil I talked about earlier, and prayer). After I read John Eldredge's book, I understood another important fact: demons are real, and they aren't inclined to leave us alone. I already slightly understood this. But I only saw it on the level of fears that come upon us for no reason: for me, being afraid while I'm in bed in the dark. I've imagined the very top of someone's moving head showing from behind a short railing/wall in the attic bedroom of our previous house, and I've pictured the edges of someone's feet moving at the top of the stairs leading down to where we currently sleep in the basement. And I've been inclined (by no wish of my own) to recall frightening things I've seen or heard. (You know how when you first think of something, it's hard not to delve deeper and bring to light snippets of stored memories, especially when it comes to fear?) All these are certainly inspired by Satan's servants, but they are far more present than any of us usually think. They inspire hurtful words to come from the mouths of others. They play on our human weakness by using our body's sinful nature to tempt us to sin (this also carries over from the first example). They are the discouraging voices we think are our own thoughts. When you think, "I'm worthless. God can't use me," stop. Think. That is not you talking. That's the enemy. When someone says something that wounds you like an arrow, stop and think before lashing back with an equally damaging comment. It's not them, it's Satan! (You may have read the verse in the New Testament where Jesus says to Peter, "Get behind me/away from me, Satan!" Peter wasn't talking; Satan was.) When you feel inclined to drop a snide comment or get angry at someone for no apparent reason, stop. (Guess what I'm going to say...it's NOT YOU! Resist the temptation to say it!) You get the idea. There are so many other ways that our foes use our words and thoughts (and the words of others) against us, causing massive emotional damage. (When I was told my lack of biblical interest might imply I wasn't a Christian, I didn't understand where this was coming from. I thought these people knew what they were talking about. Strangely enough, they didn't completely.) This is where the prayer aspect comes in. Prayer is the weapon God has given us to fight off these spiritual attacks. Without him, we stand no chance.
Life is a war. But it is also so much more than that. It's a love story: we are the beloved, and God is the Lover. This is described a little in The Sacred Romance, co-authored by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis (a friend of John's who died a short time after the book was written). God tries to get us to come to him, but we consistently turn away to our false lovers - our temptations and sins. Part of the reason is because our picture of God - and Heaven as well - has become something far from reality. We picture God as a guy sitting on a throne somewhere in the clouds, and when we die, we go there and sing worship songs for all eternity, maybe eat some food at a big table. We have lost the true image. God is the most amazing and wonderful person to ever exist, and we can't even begin to imagine what he is really like. One aspect of his that I've lost is his love; I don't really get what it's like to be loved by someone I can't see or talk to. I don't feel it. But it's there, whether we feel it or not, and we'll experience it when we return Home. This Home of ours is the most beautiful place we've ever seen, and our personal places in this land are made just for us - the real us. Not the face we put on for the world to see, or even most of the thoughts we think; our true self. The inner being that is so different from what we are now that we wouldn't recognize ourselves if we saw them on the street. This is what we're made to be: perfect men and women, living in a perfect Home with our Creator. How little we understand this. (I'd also like to mention another book written by Eldredge: The Journey of Desire.)
My journey is far from over, as far as I can tell (which isn't very much). I've got a lot of work to do before I'm myself, or can even understand myself. For now, I'm stuck in a hazy middleground we call reality, assaulted by my God's enemies, scorned by the "normal" people around me, tortured by my thoughts. But someday soon, this nightmare we call life will be over, and we'll finally be where we belong - with our God, our Lover, our Creator. Jehovah, Yahweh, I AM THAT I AM...I could go on endlessly.
Take heart, brothers and sisters of the faith, for our God has not forsaken us. He has given us an account of his return (called Revalation by the Bible), prophesied by John, disciple of Jesus, so that we may await his coming with eagerness.
Don't let the haze take hold of you. Keep your sanity. Keep fighting. Keep praying, keep reading, keep healing. Never stop being who you are. There are so many who leave the path of Christianity because they don't understand it. Do not be one of them. Learn all that you can. It's not about doing what's right, it's about following the one who made us. Stay strong, stay alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour.
Signed, with passion, sincerity, and what little wisdom I have to offer,
Dane Rosengren
Christian, servant of Jesus Christ and the Lord God of Israel, and keeper of the Faith.
May it be so (or Amen).
I summarize all the books that have helped me, plus one I haven't gotten yet (I recommend reading the first three in the presented order):
The Sacred Romance
The Journey of Desire
Waking the Dead
Walking with God
Epic
All are written by John Eldredge (the first is co-authored by Brent Curtis), and are an amazing and inspiring read.
First of all, I thank my dad and my friend Bristol for their spiritual assistance and support. Especially Bristol for recommending John Eldredge's books to me. Without him, I might still be where I was, stuck in spiritual depression. But most of all, I must thank God for giving me a way out and showing me his true self.
I mentioned John Eldredge; if you don't know who he is, he's a Christian man who wrote several books on Christianity, and runs/is a part of (not sure which) Ransomed Heart Ministries. God has truly blessed me (and so many others, I'm sure) in putting this man on the earth. The first book of his that I read was called Waking the Dead, and was my spiritual defibrilator/alarm clock/etc. Here is the introduction:
"There are few things more crucial to us than our own lives. And there are few things we are less clear about. We're not fully convinced that God's offer to us is life. We have forgotten that the heart is central. And we had no idea that we were born into a world at war."
These first words spoke straight to the heart of my problems. I was feeling emotionally and spiritually detached from the world, as if, except when I actually went out to a place where there were people besides my family present, I was trapped in a place where I was stuck with my thoughts in an inescapable place. Even walking around the neighborhood didn't help after I'd done it a couple times. I was alone, tortured by restless thoughts, desperate for peace but unable to find it. John Eldredge's opening words about an unclear life were a tamer version of my dilemma. Bristol recommended this book because he recognized my position, and I'm so thankful he did. I finally saw the veil that Satan had put over my life, and brushed it away, getting my first look at what the spiritual life really is.
Although I found the way out, it took a long time (my discovery was during autumn/fall). 2 seasons before I found out about the book, we were living in a different neighborhood (this was during the end of winter and into spring), where I was most strongly experiencing my trapped life. Here, I also faced another problem: I didn't even know if I was a Christian. My parents always assured me that I was, but I was not sure. I've always taken the Bible seriously, and understood things (for the most part), but I didn't feel inclined to be actively reading the Bible or praying, because, frankly, reading the Bible was boring (it still kind of is) because the only parts that weren't repeated half to death at church were Old Testament (and some New Testament) historical things which aren't nearly as applicable to life as, say, Paul's letters. The prophetic books, along with Proverbs, were horrifyingly tedious to read through, and every verse of the later books of the New Testament felt like a repeat of something I'd heard a thousand times over. As for my lack of prayer, my thoughts were as such: "If God has a plan from beginning to end, and will do what he wants whether I pray or not, then why pray at all? If I ask for anything, it all depends on whether or not it's in his plan to do it, and even then, why pray for it if he's going to do it anyway?" etc, etc. You get the idea. Doubts of my faith were made worse by discouraging opinions (not necessarily correct) that because of this lack of desire, I might not be a real Christian.
I still don't particularly feel inclined or motivated to read the Bible. Not to say there isn't some interesting stuff in it, but I still feel like I know Paul's words by heart (not literally though). But right after my reawakening, as I was getting ready for bed, I was given a commandment by God: he wanted me to read the book of John. So, I asked my mom if I could stay up and read it. She allowed me to, and I read through it. There wasn't much to speak of, but it was an interesting read. But one commandment (where Jesus is talking to Peter on the beach) stuck out to me: Feed my sheep. I then proceeded to have a conversation in my head with God (the first time I'd ever done it, and one of the most amazing things ever), and I was convinced he wanted me to share my new discoveries with others.
Oh, I forgot to mention one other thing (it concerns both the veil I talked about earlier, and prayer). After I read John Eldredge's book, I understood another important fact: demons are real, and they aren't inclined to leave us alone. I already slightly understood this. But I only saw it on the level of fears that come upon us for no reason: for me, being afraid while I'm in bed in the dark. I've imagined the very top of someone's moving head showing from behind a short railing/wall in the attic bedroom of our previous house, and I've pictured the edges of someone's feet moving at the top of the stairs leading down to where we currently sleep in the basement. And I've been inclined (by no wish of my own) to recall frightening things I've seen or heard. (You know how when you first think of something, it's hard not to delve deeper and bring to light snippets of stored memories, especially when it comes to fear?) All these are certainly inspired by Satan's servants, but they are far more present than any of us usually think. They inspire hurtful words to come from the mouths of others. They play on our human weakness by using our body's sinful nature to tempt us to sin (this also carries over from the first example). They are the discouraging voices we think are our own thoughts. When you think, "I'm worthless. God can't use me," stop. Think. That is not you talking. That's the enemy. When someone says something that wounds you like an arrow, stop and think before lashing back with an equally damaging comment. It's not them, it's Satan! (You may have read the verse in the New Testament where Jesus says to Peter, "Get behind me/away from me, Satan!" Peter wasn't talking; Satan was.) When you feel inclined to drop a snide comment or get angry at someone for no apparent reason, stop. (Guess what I'm going to say...it's NOT YOU! Resist the temptation to say it!) You get the idea. There are so many other ways that our foes use our words and thoughts (and the words of others) against us, causing massive emotional damage. (When I was told my lack of biblical interest might imply I wasn't a Christian, I didn't understand where this was coming from. I thought these people knew what they were talking about. Strangely enough, they didn't completely.) This is where the prayer aspect comes in. Prayer is the weapon God has given us to fight off these spiritual attacks. Without him, we stand no chance.
Life is a war. But it is also so much more than that. It's a love story: we are the beloved, and God is the Lover. This is described a little in The Sacred Romance, co-authored by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis (a friend of John's who died a short time after the book was written). God tries to get us to come to him, but we consistently turn away to our false lovers - our temptations and sins. Part of the reason is because our picture of God - and Heaven as well - has become something far from reality. We picture God as a guy sitting on a throne somewhere in the clouds, and when we die, we go there and sing worship songs for all eternity, maybe eat some food at a big table. We have lost the true image. God is the most amazing and wonderful person to ever exist, and we can't even begin to imagine what he is really like. One aspect of his that I've lost is his love; I don't really get what it's like to be loved by someone I can't see or talk to. I don't feel it. But it's there, whether we feel it or not, and we'll experience it when we return Home. This Home of ours is the most beautiful place we've ever seen, and our personal places in this land are made just for us - the real us. Not the face we put on for the world to see, or even most of the thoughts we think; our true self. The inner being that is so different from what we are now that we wouldn't recognize ourselves if we saw them on the street. This is what we're made to be: perfect men and women, living in a perfect Home with our Creator. How little we understand this. (I'd also like to mention another book written by Eldredge: The Journey of Desire.)
My journey is far from over, as far as I can tell (which isn't very much). I've got a lot of work to do before I'm myself, or can even understand myself. For now, I'm stuck in a hazy middleground we call reality, assaulted by my God's enemies, scorned by the "normal" people around me, tortured by my thoughts. But someday soon, this nightmare we call life will be over, and we'll finally be where we belong - with our God, our Lover, our Creator. Jehovah, Yahweh, I AM THAT I AM...I could go on endlessly.
Take heart, brothers and sisters of the faith, for our God has not forsaken us. He has given us an account of his return (called Revalation by the Bible), prophesied by John, disciple of Jesus, so that we may await his coming with eagerness.
Don't let the haze take hold of you. Keep your sanity. Keep fighting. Keep praying, keep reading, keep healing. Never stop being who you are. There are so many who leave the path of Christianity because they don't understand it. Do not be one of them. Learn all that you can. It's not about doing what's right, it's about following the one who made us. Stay strong, stay alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour.
Signed, with passion, sincerity, and what little wisdom I have to offer,
Dane Rosengren
Christian, servant of Jesus Christ and the Lord God of Israel, and keeper of the Faith.
May it be so (or Amen).
I summarize all the books that have helped me, plus one I haven't gotten yet (I recommend reading the first three in the presented order):
The Sacred Romance
The Journey of Desire
Waking the Dead
Walking with God
Epic
All are written by John Eldredge (the first is co-authored by Brent Curtis), and are an amazing and inspiring read.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Psalm of My Own
In the dark hours of the night, I composed this short psalm:
My God, my God, why do You forsake me?
Why do You give my enemies power over me,
And let the wicked prey on the righteous?
Why do you allow the betrayer of Your hosts to destroy Your creation?
Why do you stand by while his legions assault Your defenseless people?
O my God, when will You release us from our chains?
When will you free us from the bonds of our decieved hearts?
O God, when will you return,
And show us that our sufferings have not been in vain?
When will you reveal yourself to the nations?
When will you show the ungodly the injustice of their scornful words?
But I know You, the Creator of the heavens, are a just and vengeful God.
I know You will not leave Your children to die,
Nor will You leave them unarmed.
No, You give them the power to defeat their captors;
You offer them swords to slay their enemies.
By Your power they drive back the servants of Your foe.
Behold, Your name alone sends the demons running in fear.
Praise to You, O Yahweh!
Praise to our God and Rescuer!
None can defy You, O Lord;
Anyone who blasphemes against you shall suffer for eternity.
For You are the Living God,
And Your power and love are endless.
You keep me safe from the arrows of my enemies:
You protect me from their scornful words.
Though my foes surround me like a swarm of locusts, I will not come to harm.
May our eternal God live forever!
May his hands never leave his children!
Thus I, servant of the all-powerful Jehovah, have written.
The blessed work of our Master will resound through the ages.
Amen.
My God, my God, why do You forsake me?
Why do You give my enemies power over me,
And let the wicked prey on the righteous?
Why do you allow the betrayer of Your hosts to destroy Your creation?
Why do you stand by while his legions assault Your defenseless people?
O my God, when will You release us from our chains?
When will you free us from the bonds of our decieved hearts?
O God, when will you return,
And show us that our sufferings have not been in vain?
When will you reveal yourself to the nations?
When will you show the ungodly the injustice of their scornful words?
But I know You, the Creator of the heavens, are a just and vengeful God.
I know You will not leave Your children to die,
Nor will You leave them unarmed.
No, You give them the power to defeat their captors;
You offer them swords to slay their enemies.
By Your power they drive back the servants of Your foe.
Behold, Your name alone sends the demons running in fear.
Praise to You, O Yahweh!
Praise to our God and Rescuer!
None can defy You, O Lord;
Anyone who blasphemes against you shall suffer for eternity.
For You are the Living God,
And Your power and love are endless.
You keep me safe from the arrows of my enemies:
You protect me from their scornful words.
Though my foes surround me like a swarm of locusts, I will not come to harm.
May our eternal God live forever!
May his hands never leave his children!
Thus I, servant of the all-powerful Jehovah, have written.
The blessed work of our Master will resound through the ages.
Amen.
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